do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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