im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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