ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
