uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
