i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
