I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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