but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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