I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
