Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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