I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize