chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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