P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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