but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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