Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
