Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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