i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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