I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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