next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
