Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
