Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
