It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
