I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
