I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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