this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
