Kiss
Puke
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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