Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
