May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
