Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
