so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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