i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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