ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
