Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My balls are so social today.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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