Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
