I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
