What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
