i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
