i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
