Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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