His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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