I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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