That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
