Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
3 2 1 whiskey
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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