on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
