is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
