haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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