Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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