Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
