She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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