Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Holy shit dude........stairs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize