He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
