Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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