Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
