I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
