hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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