My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
