Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
