I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
