At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
