If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
