I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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