Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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