Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
