i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
