You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
